As you may know, I am an ancient cyber mom trained in behavioral science at U.C. Berkeley. My sons are grown, 35 and 29 years old. I left a career in technology (circa 2004) when my youngest hit middle school and devices landed in the hands of youth. I wanted to better understand the impact of mobile connectivity on youth and families so I could learn how to be the parent my children needed in this new environment. I have since discovered so much hope about the human potential to overcome adversity.
Last Sunday I had the privilege of sharing the stage with Jennifer Oliver Brown, founder of BeingREAL and the REALConversations Speakers Series, and Colleen Marchi, CEO of Brave Order of the Magical Knights, LLC. Our topic was “Our Anxiety and Our Strength: How the Generations Empower One Another”.
This is my song for the parents, grandparents and great grandparents of these precious digital generations…
Our anxiety and our strength is found in the generations.
Seriously consider this thought: Your child possesses adult inner powers of self-determination which include memory, intellect and will. It is the same power that makes a free society possible and delivers us from anxiety: i.e., taking responsibility for your own thoughts and actions. The pedophiles and commercial interests understand this truth about our children being in charge of themselves.
In this way, we are all executive learners. So be careful with your own anxiety because the children are seeking an authentic human connection in a world that offers lots of fear and fakery. And unchecked, our anxiety inhibits connection and limits our capacity to instill learning discipline among tech-savvy youth.
Warning! Below are the three examples of maleware for the parent heart and mind:
- We worry and we call it caring.
- We punish and we call it discipline.
- We insist on our own opinion as the only understanding that matters and call it wisdom.
When we as parents are willing to patrol our thoughts and show up like hope and encourage our offspring to correct themselves when they are having very dark or hopeless moments, this is how we can become a more deeply trusted resource for life. In this way, we can all learn how to become better versions of ourselves – it is a response to anxiety.
Learn more about countering parent maleware and schedule an event or an appointment, contact Joanna.
This week’s feature:
Core Connectivity Mission
Restore Parental Confidence, Inspire Resilience, and
Empower Families to Strengthen their Bond
In the media-centered network culture it is easy to believe things that are not true, and focus on things that do not really matter. This can curtail parental confidence and increase childhood anxiety and trauma. Help me get some basic tools and insights into the hands of parents so they can more effectively help their children establish their own internal guidance systems to be safe and secure and counter the cyber-powered stressors of growing up with mobile connectivity.
You can help this cause by:
- Making a donation to Banana Moments Foundation
- Sharing these links to the tips for setting personal boundaries and establishing cyber rites of passage.
Tips to regulate the use of technology as a family (PDF Handout)
Hot Topic: To vape or not to vape?
WHERE I AM SPEAKING
- Date: November 9, 2019, 9am to noon
- Event: California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, Sierra Foothills Chapter
- Speaker: Joanna will be training on parenting tech-savvy youth to make interpersonal connections and promote mental health and augment treatment therapy
- Location: Auburn, CA (Private event)
- Date: January 16, 2020
- Event: Insights about love in response to anxiety and addiction as a family affair
- Sponsor: Sierra Vista Hospital
- Speaker: Joanna Jullien
- Venue: Sacramento campus, community room
- Registration details: forthcoming
WHERE YOU WILL FIND ME
- Date: October 24, 2019, 3:30 to5:30PM
- Event: Annual Meeting, Coalition for Auburn and Lincoln Youth
- Venue: Placer County Office of Education, Auburn CA
- Date: October 28, 2019, 6:15PM
- Event: Mental Health, Drug and Alcohol Advisory Board, Placer County
- Venue: 101 Cirby Hills Drive, Roseville, CA
- (Attending as a member of the community and meeting with Children’s Committee before)
- Date: November 7, 2019, 4 to 6PM
- Event: Coalition for Placer Youth, Rocklin potluck celebration of DFC federal grant completion (Raising Placer youth substance abuse prevention strategy/raising resilient and healthy youth)
- Venue: Rocklin Police Department, Rocklin, CA
- Date: November 13, 2019, 8:30 to 10:30AM
- Event: On Nutrition and Sustainable Sobriety
- Speaker: Frances Holmes, CNC, IGP, FNLP
- Organization: Women’s Association for Addiction Treatment, Sacramento Chapter
- Venue: California Consortium for Addiction Programs and Professionals, Sacramento, CA
- If food and body image are issues for your child, it is time to get educated
- Tips to help your child succeed academically while dealing with social and emotional issues
- Parent screentime
- Why your tween/teen needs you to be confident about their use of smartphones: What does that look like?
- How to countering the addiction epidemic: Responding to opioids and other risky drug trends with hope
- Crucial conversations about social media use: Brave versus risky
- Signs your child’s picky eating may become an eating disorder and what to do about it
- A mother’s lesson about exercising caution
- Why devices are not to blame for the lack of connection with your child
- Conquer the fear of losing your child to screentime
- The purpose of stress in your child’s life and their happiness
- What college admission scams say about our parenting culture and the plight of our youth
- Who is in control? Two truths about power struggles with tech-savvy youth
- Three steps to connect with your tech-savvy child
- Signs your smartphone may be controlling you and your family
Crucial conversation concepts
Guidance for conversations with youth in a cyber-powered world, wherein it is easy to believe things that are not true and focus on things that do not really mater.
Forgive versus Excuse
Forgiveness is a type of liberty. In your own mind it is the act of letting go of an offense when someone has hurt you. It does not mean you excuse it; it means that you do not allow yourself to become emotionally bonded to the offense. The decision to forgive prevents you from becoming the victim in your own mind. In this way it is possible to hold yourself and others accountable for behavior without anger in your heart. This is how we can break cycles of hostility.
Think of forgiveness as correction without condemnation.
On the other hand, to make excuses for the offensive behavior is to somehow justify why bad behavior happened and if unchecked can wind up “enabling”, by condoning or reinforcing poor conduct. In one cyberbullying case that contributed to the suicide of Phoebe Prince in South Hadley, Mass., one mother excused her daughter’s participation in the harassment by saying, “she was only calling her names.”
Parent tip: Explain to your child that they already have power. The trick is to learn how not to give it up to the bully, the drug or the device.
- Distinguish a lie from the truth. To help your child recognize a lie when they encounter it in the flesh or in the social network, explain that in general a lie will disturb your peace, while the truth tends to bring about peace and empower others. Encourage your child to talk with you if they are dealing with thoughts and experiences that are disturbing that relentlessly persist. If your child has thoughts about him or herself that are disparaging, encourage them to write down those thoughts and then write down the opposite. The negative thought is the lie; the positive thought is what God says about your child. Encourage your child to think about the positive thoughts.
- Identify and respond to an attack. As soon as your child witnesses a dynamic in their peer community that is disrespectful to another person, that is a “put down” repeatedly communicated and many peers are piling on, adding to the harassment of an individual – this is an attack. Usually attacks happen to individuals who are perceived as more vulnerable, and there is a perceived power difference between the attackers and the target. Sometimes an attack is a form of retaliation by the attacker in response to a perceived power difference or abuse by the target. People who bully will justify their actions, because they are feeling powerless or hurt. In any event, attacks are a signal that an intervention is required. If your child is experiencing an attack (which with cyber communications is ongoing and harassing) or witnessing one, it will be important to document it and bring it to the attention of the parents and/or school administration. The aim is to facilitate an intervention wherein all the youth and adults involved can learn how to break cycles of hostility, and avoid getting caught up in a bully dynamic when it emerges.
LET’S WORK TOGETHER
Events for Your Parent Community
Equipping parents to deal with the extreme influence of social media on young hearts and minds
Core Connectivity offers Fresh Start Family Culture training to help parents exercise control over the home, regulate use of technology and empower family members. To book an event at your office, school or church, contact Joanna (be sure to include your return email address) or 916-521-7203
Private Parenting and Family Life Coaching
Fresh Start Family – Two 90-minutes sessions with Joanna. Learn about the tools to give you control over the things you can control.
- Want to argue less and experience more peace in your family relationships?
- Wondering if your child is ready for his or her first smartphone?
- Is cyberbullying terrorizing your child/tween/teen?
- You suspect or have caught your teen using drugs and/or alcohol. Now what?
- Get your family to put down the devices and have face-to-face conversations
- Has internet porn invaded your home?
To learn more, contact Joanna (be sure to include your return email address) or 916-521-7203
Book an event for your educators, counseling practice or agency providing resources to youth and families. Topics include:
How the sciences of addiction, recovery and faith inform effective prevention strategy
- A parent’s guide for dealing with mental and behavioral health issues
- Embracing “the addict” as an agent for positive change in the family
- Keeping tabs on your family’s social media hangouts
- Cyberbullying & radicalization of youth into violent ideologies
- Talking about drugs and drug abuse in social media
- Family-safe conversations about internet porn and sexting
When cyber connectivity hypes everything and inspires anxiety, what will you focus on?
This book offers specific, practical insights to build their own inner resilience for parents dealing with mental and behavioral health issues of tech-savvy youth.
By Joanna Jullien
Available on Kindle and in paper pack
Get your copy!
- Seven lessons on the impact of the network culture on youth, parenting and family life
- Four exercises to develop a renewed perspective on the challenges of modern life
- Three final products to regulate the use of technology and foster human connection at home: Family creed, family motto and a short set of house rules
Keep medications out of the hands of youth: Check out: SaferLock
Helpful thoughts about social media challenges by Common Sense Media
iOS 12 parental controls – review by Common Sense Media
- Cyber Safety for Families (Videos)
- Follow Joanna @cyberparenting
- Like Core Connectivity
- Request Core Connectivity updates via email
About: We are a non-profit education center founded in Roseville, CA to strengthen the parent-child bond in a hyper-connected world. Our mission is to restore families with the mustard seed of faith that declares liberty already belongs to the soul because one God, the Creator of all humanity, grants every human being intelligence and free will to choose what to believe, and that is power that can never be taken, but is easily surrendered to the bully, the drug or the device.
Peace on earth begins with peace at home.
YOUR DONATION HELPS THIS CAUSE
Core Connectivity is an initiative of Banana Moments Foundation. When you shop at Amazon via AmazonSmile, Amazon will make a donation to Banana Moments Foundation.
Joanna Jullien is an author, educator and consultant on strengthening the parent-child relationship in a cyber-powered world. She is a former technology executive trained in behavioral science at U.C. Berkeley, a mother of two grown sons, and an author of books for practical guidance on parenting, growing up and family life in the network culture. As a family and technology culture advisor, Joanna has appeared on 103.9FM The Fish, 710AM Keeping Faith in America, 1380AM The Answer, and Examiner.com.
- Cyber Safety for Kids and Families (Videos)
- Follow CoreConnectivity on Instagram
- Follow Joanna @cyberparenting
- Like Core Connectivity
- Request Core Connectivity updates via email
- Contact: Joanna