Executive Summary

  • This feature is Part Two of the discourse On the need for spiritual and emotional intelligence in being a parent today (Part One), based upon a training at Sierra Vista Hospital last month about the role of a parent in healing a suffering child. Continuing Education Units (CEUs) were sponsored by Center for Discovery.
  • Expands on the new demands of parenting today because anxiety and addiction experiences are intensified in a cyber-powered world. In Part One, we explored how parents can consider that a child suffering from anxiety and/or addiction is having a human experience that can be overcome with the correct thought leadership, and how the parent’s own anxiety in response to their child’s affliction inhibits their capacity to help them get well.
  • This feature introduces a new model of authority in the parent-child bond that facilitates healing and offers guidance for parents to collaborate with the child and the physicians, counselors and therapists to advocate for wellness outcomes.

Request your five-step guide for parenting a suffering-child, schedule a private session, or book an event. Contact Joanna.

(Download the resources supporting the findings of this training.)

ACCESS PART ONE: On the need for spiritual and emotional intelligence in being a parent today

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In Part One of this feature On the need for spiritual and emotional intelligence in being a parent today, we explored how:

  • Children have always been born into adult communities which are flawed systems of care inspiring hostility in relationships (be it anxiety, domestic violence, addiction, or sexual exploitation). These flawed systems of care are called families.
  • Mobile connectivity and social media intensified these experiences so that it is much easier to believe and act on things that are not true resulting in emotional traps of hopeless/hostile thinking about human connection.
  • Children and parents are both at risk of falling into these hostile emotional traps of believing that neither can be trusted to learn and grow in love from these life experiences.
  • The science of addiction and recovery reveals that addiction is a pathological relationship to intoxication which means that the brain can convince person that the thing that triggers intoxication (short term dopamine hits of the brain’s reward system whether it is any drug, shopping, gambling, gaming, devices and social media, or food) is the only thing that will quell pain. And when a person makes being in a constant state of intoxication as their number one priority to survive, this can harm important relationships with family, friends, school, and work and possibly accelerate death.
  • The science of recovery from addiction and trauma teaches us that thoughts carry somatic properties to influence the biochemistry of the brain. Wisdom thought leadership in the individual who is suffering from addiction and in a supportive community is what makes recovery possible after dedox.
  • With this understanding that anxiety and addiction can be overcome with wisdom thought leadership, then can parents learn to examine their own emotions in response to their child’s behavioral health issues and thereby mitigate the emotional barrier to being perceived as a trustworthy resource in response to pain.

The next step is to consider a new model of authority that restores the intellectual power balance in the parent-child bond. This model of authority involves expressing love as wisdom thought leadership in response to anxiety and addiction.

Relational model of authority

Traditional models of parent authority include four main ways power is perceived with correlating attachment and discipline styles (see items 1-4 in the table below). They have one thing in common. They all presume there is one seat of authority in the parent-child bond: that of the parent. This paradigm of parents being in the position of central control aligns nicely with the pre-internet model of authority in society wherein hierarchy defined authority as more of a legalistic, social positioning type of thing (i.e., the highest power resides at the top of the organization chart with the role of the president, teacher or parent). With the advent of the internet, however, hierarchies (top-down command and control models of power in institutions) have less gravitas over individuals because cyber connectivity empowers the individual with global one-to-many communications.

Chart_of_Parent_authority_styles

As you can see in the table above, the most confident parenting style is Item 2 Authoritative which is associated with secure attachment and positive (or pro-social discipline). This model is the most conducive model for parenting in order to be perceived as a trusted resource for discipline. And yet still to counter parent anxiety in response to a child’s suffering we need to consider our children first as fellow human beings having a human experience. This requires a deeper level of connection made possible through thought leadership to restore the power balance in the parent-child bond and facilitate collaboration. So now we move on to examine the “relational model of authority” which involves two dimensions:  1) a social profile of the digital native (digital native) and 2) recognizing children have the same powers of self-determination as adults.

Digital native social profile. I studied how commercial interests and pedophiles engaged youth to exploit them so parents could learn how to engage youth to empower them. This is important because the traditional models of parent authority center on legal custody, which defines the parent as an authority figure in society, AND does not grant us connection with our child which involves an open spirit to impart wisdom and empower.

List of qualities of digital native

In the slide above, the social profile of digital natives is described.

  • They recognize authority as a relational experience rather than as a matter of formal title or social status (your child is a fellow human being having a human experience)
  • Online peer communities can become a single point of reference for life – this is their reality. Do not belittle it or seek to control and manipulate it. (Parental controls are important to be instructive about setting boundaries, not about being in control of the child. To learn how to create house rules for technology and cyber-powered life purchase the Fresh Start manual).
  • Texting and social media are the main artery of communication. Show your child how to rely upon texting in ways that do not take the place of face-to-face contact.
  • Seeking authenticity – person to person connection, no judgment
  • Trust is the currency – they value trust more than anything and it is confused with faith and privacy. Learn more about trust and faith

With is profile of the digital native we can engage a child, which means that we can make contact and capture their undivided attention. However, empowerment is another matter. Empowerment for healing requires connection (or an open spirit) and thought leadership informed by wisdom.

Connection and empowerment

Wisdom thoughts that bring about peace and empower

Wisdom thoughts are eternal, bring about peace, empower self and others and transcend religious dogma. See examples in the slide above.

Wisdom thought about liberty

This wisdom thought about liberty already belonging to the soul is like saying to a child, “You already have the ‘A’. Your job is to defend it as best you can. Just do your best and that is success.” This liberty to choose your own thoughts and actions is a dominant thought associated with authentic connection in the parent-child relationship. It requires a fundamental belief that your child is a fellow human being having a human experience. This premise contradicts the pre-internet paradigm of parental authority that presumes the seat of power resides with the parent who is in charge of the child. In this model of authority, we recognize that a child has the same power of self-determination as an adult, even though their pre-frontal cortex (the executive function of the brain) is not yet fully developed.

Focusing upon this truth of our humanity, parents can learn to evoke compassion and set aside condemnation when children are going through shame-inspiring experiences (that alarm us). This is counter-intuitive to our traditional models of power and control in the parent-child relationship wherein the parent is perceived to be the one with the power. So in order to really contemplate the reality of this truth for you and your child – that your child at any age shares equal inherent powers of self-determination as you possess, I encourage parents to consider the same wisdom thought that makes a free society possible as a historical fact.

It is a historical fact that a handful of people founded a free society according to this one wisdom thought: that one Creator of all humanity grants every individual intelligent life and free will. This is power to choose your own beliefs and actions that can never be taken, but is easily surrendered to the bully, the drug or the device. This is true for every generation, gender, creed, and ethnic background. This means that an atheist has the right to stand in the public square and declare there is no God. Most importantly, this also means that children and parents are individuals in charge of themselves and need to learn how to collaborate in order to overcome adversity. We cannot control what our children think or believe; but we sure can encourage them to think for themselves and choose wisdom thoughts as a response to their own painful experiences.

To request your five-step guide for parenting a suffering child and learn more about creating a culture of connection and healing at home, contact Joanna.

Executive learners in the parent-child bond

Remember, the pedophiles and the commercial interests rely upon this truth that the children possess the same power of self-determination as adults in order to exploit them.

Features of a child's adult powers of the soul

This paradigm of relational authority restores the power balance in the parent child bond by recognizing that even though children have a developing pre-frontal cortex, they do possess equal powers of self-determination as adults that make learning possible, and these powers can never be taken but are easily surrendered to the bully, the drug or the device. These powers involve:

  • Memory – brain science tells us that the brain stores and believes everything it sees and experiences, good and evil.
  • Intellect – The executive capacity to reason and learn the truth about the nature of our power as individuals and as families and how to relate to others and respond to experiences in the world (recorded by the brain).
  • Will –the executive capacity to choose what to believe, say and do in response to what is happening; it is choosing the thoughts in which to put our trust and then acting on them. They can be thoughts that torment and bind, or that bring about peace and empower.

So in this way we are all learning executives. These learning powers work together to shape perspective and formulate a world view as a victim (i.e. the world is full of risks/hypervigilance) or a free agent (i.e., the world is full of promise/hope to overcome adversity).

In this relational model of authority parents are household executives and we can approach children are emerging executives. And then we can meet our children in this realm of heart and mind to share experiences and learn how to grow from them.

Here are a couple of examples of what that looks like:

  • If your daughter sends a nude photo of herself to a love interest, and bullied online, does that make her a slut?
  • Or if you son becomes addicted to oxy, does that make him an addict?

Well that depends upon what you think. And more importantly, that depends on what your child thinks. From the parent perspective, when you see your child as a whole person having a human experience and you believe they have these executive powers to learn how to become stronger from the consequences from life experiences — then you are reflecting back hope in their darkest moments. That’s resilience in the parent-child bond.

To request your five-step guide for parenting a suffering child and learn more about creating a culture of connection and healing at home, contact Joanna.

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About:  We are a non-profit education center founded in Roseville, CA to strengthen the parent-child bond in a hyper-connected world. Our mission is to restore families with the mustard seed of faith that declares liberty already belongs to the soul because one God, the Creator of all humanity, grants every human being intelligence and free will to choose what to believe, and that is power that can never be taken, but is easily surrendered to the bully, the drug or the device.

Peace on earth begins with peace at home.

Core Connectivity – A Foundation to Empower Families

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Jullien_Joanna_Portrait

Joanna Jullien, Founder & CEO of Core Connectivity
Photo by: Victoria Hatch

Joanna Jullien is an author, educator and consultant on strengthening the parent-child relationship in a cyber-powered world. She is a former technology executive trained in behavioral science at U.C. Berkeley, a mother of two grown sons, and an author of books for practical guidance on parenting, growing up and family life in the network culture. As a family and technology culture advisor, Joanna has appeared on 103.9FM The Fish, 710AM Keeping Faith in America, 1380AM The Answer, and Examiner.com.